My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
