ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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