I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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