You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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