booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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