Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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