I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
