Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
