I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
