and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
