I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
