dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
