the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
