My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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