im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
