It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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