When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
