Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
