We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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