My hand turned me down
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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