Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Your penis caused this!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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