I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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