Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
