I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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