I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
