The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
