i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
