The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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