using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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