what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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