I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
