New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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