So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize