Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the condom got lost in my hair
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
