i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
