I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
