I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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