And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
