She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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