sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
