Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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