I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
