I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Someone shit on the floor
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
