Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Bring me that man meat
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize