I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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