I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
