dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
