I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
