don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
