In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize