My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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