He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
