Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
