I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
