Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
