Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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