so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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