take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Life is so much better after having sex.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Randomize
