it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
