shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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