how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
