so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
