ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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