Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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