no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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