We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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