some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
