Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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