My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
