The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
