i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
