Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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