Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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