I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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