You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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