put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
