My cat gives me a boner
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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