you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
