I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
