Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
