are you so shy because you have an std?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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