Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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